What Not To Do In An LotR Fic
by butterflyninja935
Summary: Essentially what the title says. There are a lot of fics that I have seen that could benefit from this guidance!
1. Chapter 1

**Greetings, friends!**

**Maharani Radha, my insanely awesome beta, and myself have decided that there are way too many sucky LotR fics running around. So we have created this manual! The next chapter may be What TO Do In An LotR Fic. **

What Not To Do In An LotR Fic

Do NOT make Galadriel all-powerful. She is NOT all-powerful.

Do NOT make a Mary Sue. Ever. 'Nuff said.

Do NOT make the characters OOC. Unless it is an AU fic, in which case, do whatever the hell you want.

In a humor fic, please make sure it is funny before you publish it.

Do NOT do anything that will offend the characters. We have cartoon images of the characters in our heads, and WE ARE WATCHING.

Valar and Maiar can have kids, but BE CAREFUL when you do this because you're on your way to a Mary-Sue. Also, we're sure if your OC is the child of the Valar, then she would most likely stay in Valinor anyway.

Mak shure al ur spelin n gramer n captalzaton iz corekt. sum off us r ocd bout itt.

If you must write a self-insert, PLEASE make it realistic. Would you really be able to immediately beat Aragorn in a sword fight? Didn't think so.

DO NOT WRITE A STORY IN CHAT SPEAK. WE WILL HUNT YOU DOWN.

Do NOT make the Middle Earth characters talk like modern people. (Saying "How come", "like", using abbreviations, etc.) They spoke like people from the 1600-1800's of our world.

Do NOT create an OC that everyone immediately loves.

Do NOT make your elf fairer than Luthien. Luthien is the fairest elf that ever lived. So sorry, you're defying canon and making a Mary-sue in one.

PLEASE don't make the characters fall in love with an idiot.

There really shouldn't be anything that has to do with elves and rape. It's against LACE (Laws And Customs of the Eldar)

If your OC is not an elf, she can't go to Valinor, unless the Valar are willing to make an exception (this only happened with Bilbo, Frodo, & Gimli because they showed extraordinary courage in battle and Frodo freaking destroyed the Ring. Sam as well, it says in Appendix B of RotK that he went in 1482.)

WATCH THE TIMELINE

The one problem with a 10th walker is that the company was 9 for the 9 Ringwraiths/Nazgul. If you mark your story as AU, you can do this.

Don't overuse simple words, "said" especially.

Do NOT write ANY "love at first sight" fics. EVER. It doesn't exist. Sorry.

Do NOT ignore the summary box. It will feel lonely and neglected.

If Legolas falls in love with your character at first sight- it is time to rethink your character... and possibly your life. -This is from Rachel Ewok.

**So, what do you guys think? Feel free to submit any suggestions/things we forgot. **


	2. The Mary Sue Chapter

A/N: Hi this is Maharani Radha. This is my Mary-Sue parody (I think I just hit about 6 items on the list). I can't tell you how difficult this was. I swear I was cringing every sentence. Poor Legolas. But I had to put this out there. Oh BTW, this isn't a self-insert. If it was, I'd have some problems...

It had been a long hard trip on the road and the Fellowship was completely exhausted once they arrived in Lothlórien. They had just lost Gandalf in Moria and they were all very sad. In fact, they were so sad, none of them really paid attention to what Lady Galadriel was saying when she warned them about the quest. After Lady Galadriel was done talking to them, she turned to one of her ladies of the Galadhrim.

"Nindë Eámanë Elwing Tasartir, I need you to escort the Fellowship to where they will be staying tonight," Lady Galadriel said. Nindë Eámanë Elwing Tasartir nodded and walked up to the Fellowship.

"Follow me, please," she said. When she spoke, her voice was as soft as silk, and so entrancing, the Fellowship did exactly what she asked without hesitation. As they walked, Legolas became entranced with her beauty and forgot all about his sadness.

"I swear by the Valar that she is more fair than Lúthien!" He thought. He studied her closely. She had chocolate brown skin, and long black hair that reached to her waist. Suddenly, she turned to face Legolas. She had striking green eyes. When she looked at him, it was as if she was peering into the very depths of his soul. Her incomprehensible beauty enthralled even Gimli.

"You will be staying here tonight," she said softly. Frodo stared at her intensely. He forgot all about the Ring on his neck when he was in her presence.

"Th-th-thank you my lady," Legolas stammered. She smiled. Her smile was more radiant than the Sun's rays.

"Should you need anything, please do not hesitate to ask me," she replied. Nindë Eámanë Elwing Tasartir began to walk away.

"Wait…" Legolas said. Nindë Eámanë Elwing Tasartir halted and turned around to face him.

"What is your name fair maiden?" Legolas asked. Nindë Eámanë Elwing Tasartir smiled.

"My name is Nindë Eámanë Elwing Tasartir. However, you can call me Nindë." With that, the fair Nindë Eámanë Elwing Tasartir walked away leaving behind a Fellowship enthralled by her immense beauty and grace.

A/N: Ok, how many brain cells did you lose? Well, since this is a parody, none I guess (I hope!). You have no idea how long it took me to write Nindë Eámanë Elwing Tasartir over and over (my computer has an affinity for not obeying the copy-paste command). I can tell you I have seen some fics this bad. Let me say, if your piece is like this, or anywhere close, you have some issues with your character….Major issues. I think I've hit just about every single thing on the list. All I have to do is make her a Child of the Valar and I'm all set!


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